By Michelle Porchia What does it mean for us to refresh, renew and retool? How does one use their time, talents and treasures during times of uncertainty…after all, these are uncertain times…times when people feel the pressure of less than, not enough of, and “what next?” It’s about looking with new eyes, hearing with new ears, and moving forward possibly down a different road.
Refresh: Our business – refresh our mind and body. First, let’s talk about us – our bodies. We all have the same 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. How we use our time is what's important. Do we waste our time with mindless, unproductive things or do we use our time wisely? Do we use it to grow as a person, to grow our business, to rest and relax, to develop our mind, increase our health and to touch others and make a difference? Many people spend their precious time on unproductive tasks or events. Once a minute is gone, it’s gone and we don’t get it back! Use time wisely. Be more fully present and focus on the now. Do we focus on our physical, psychological and emotional well-being? How do you use your time? Is it the best use of your time? Think about it honestly. Refresh our business:
Renew: Rejuvenate. Recommit. Energize.
Retool: With the current economic situation we need to have multiple streams of income. We can use our various talents to create a product, build a business, and collaborate with others. This will help us to have multiple streams of income, use our talents and now we have a win-win situation. All of us have been given talents – abilities to do something and do it well. We might be creative, good at organizing, working with people, etc. How many of us have God-given talents and don’t use them? I have a granddaughter who is a phenomenal artist, specifically drawing. She had given up on it because “it doesn’t look good” which came initially from an art teacher she had. What a waste. How many of us know we have a talent but for whatever reason aren’t using it? At the same time we may need to look at new and creative ways to use our talents…retooling.
Scott Peck said: "We cannot be a source of strength unless we nurture our own strength."
Get ready for what is to come. When we expect great things, great things happen.
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By Michelle Porchia Nowadays, people have access to a lot of information and often like to share that information with others. Sometimes people think they know more than they do or even feel they are an expert at something because they have accessed that information. Some people feel they are experts because they simply feel they know what’s best. I believe that most people have other people’s best interests at heart. I also believe that people honestly want to help others. Sometimes people don’t want your help or are not ready to hear what you have to say.
When I am working with coaching clients, we have an agreement up front that I can give them feedback on what I am hearing. Even with the agreement, I still say, “Do you mind if I tell you what I am hearing?” Or, “May I give you some feedback about what I’m hearing?” I was meeting with a manager when I was in corporate America. She was sharing her concerns about a situation she was experiencing. I asked her if I could give her some feedback based on what I was hearing. She said, “No, I’m not ready to hear anything right now. I just need to vent.” I said, “Okay” and continued to listen. She came back later and asked me what I had to say. Sometimes people start dispensing recommendations on what to do or how to handle a particular situation without even asking you what you have already done. This can be exasperating to the listener. It can also feel like they are not given credit for figuring out things on their own. “Don’t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.” Robert Frost When I am interacting with people who are not my clients, I’ll ask permission to ask a question or to give feedback. Often I’ll say, “May I ask you a question?” Suggestions for Giving Advice:
Sometimes people just need to vent and need a good listener. Sometimes they need additional information. By listening and asking if they would like you to share some information with them, the situation can be beneficial for both parties. “Before you give advice, that is to say advice which you have not been asked to give, it is well to put to yourself two questions—namely, what is your motive for giving it? And what is it likely to be worth? If these questions were always asked, and honestly answered, there would be less advice given.” John William Mackail, “On Giving Advice” by Michelle Porchia Nowadays more meetings are being held virtually—phone, webinars, Skype, etc. Below are suggestions on how to have a productive and effective meeting where people feel heard, understood, and time is used well.
People listen differently and hear differently. I'm sure you've replied "that's not what I said" to someone who has repeated what they thought they heard you say. I call this "different styles." Main styles of communication:
Keep in mind that we all have elements of each style. What I am talking about are the main (strong) elements of communication styles. I am not labeling or putting people in a box. My intent is to help folks realize that it is often communication styles that impact our giving and receiving information, not our personalities. When we understand how we communicate and how others communicate, we can become more effective communicators and listeners. For example: I have a tendency to ask a lot of questions. Some people saw this as interrogation. Others saw it as questioning them personally. I had to learn to adjust the way I asked questions and how many questions I asked. I also can be very direct and matter of fact and get right to the point. Some find this offensive. I’ve learned to “soften” my communication. It is not about changing who you are. It is about being heard and understood, and hearing and understanding others. Phone Meeting Tips:
When we understand our communication style and how it impacts or off puts others and then we try to understand how others communicate, we can become more effective communicators and listeners. It will also help you to have more effective meetings. By Michelle Porchia Kita is a 19-month-old Pug/Chihuahua that I rescued in September. Kita came from a no-kill ranch that rescues strays and dogs from shelters, crate trains them, sometimes leash trains, microchips, spays/neuters, deworms, and provides medical care (heart worming, shots, etc.). Some of the dogs live on the farm and some go to foster homes until they are found a forever home. The ranch functions on donations, volunteers, and from the fee you pay for a dog. The procedure is to visit the website, identify dogs you are interested in, and schedule an appointment to visit.
In the month that I have had her, I have learned several business and personal lessons. 1. No matter how much pre-work you do, you don’t always get your first choice but you always get the right answer. I had visited the website several times and identified four dogs. Two ended up being adopted before my appointment. The night before my appointment, I went on the site and identified a few more potential dogs. After visiting with seven of the eight dogs, I was starting to become disillusioned. The person reminded me I had one dog left—Kita. It was love at first sight for both of us. In business, we can research and prepare to attract certain clients. Yet sometimes our clients are the least expected. I never would have thought I would have done a team-building session for a funeral home staff. I did, and they were a great client. 2. Size doesn’t always matter. I’ve always been a big dog person. My preference would have been to have a Rottweiler. However, since I live in a small apartment and don’t have a yard, it was best to get a smaller dog. Kita is perfect for my space and she has a big dog personality in a small body. Most important for me, she is not the “ankle barker” that I always saw little dogs as. In business, often we focus on the large corporations when independently owned businesses could use and benefit from our services just as well. 3. Sometimes we have to stand still and stand firm. Kita weighs a whopping 13 pounds. She walks well on the leash. Sometimes, though, she will stop and look around. She will not move when I ask her to heel or come. She stands firm. Then, when she's ready, she comes right along. No matter who is prompting us to go in a particular direction, sometimes we have to stand still and stand firm before making a move or a decision. 4. Show appreciation. When training a dog in the basic commands, you use treats to reward them when they do something right. You also say, “Good job” or “Good boy/girl." Friends, family and employees want to feel valued and appreciated. We don’t reward with treats but acknowledging when they are doing something well is key in a relationship, especially with coworkers and/or employees. When people feel appreciated, they want to go above and beyond for you. 5. Find your place in the sun (take time for you and have fun). Of course, I must mention the importance of taking time for you. I love being outside and in the sun. Hurray— so does Kita! She loves walking around outdoors. When we sit outside at Starbucks (where she does very well), and when she’s done people watching (something that is also fun to do when you are taking a break), she lays down in the sun. She has the option of being in the shade but usually chooses the sun. Sometimes you just need to stretch out and enjoy your time in the sun or wherever it is that makes you feel relaxed. We can use all these lessons I've learned from Kita as they relate to our personal and professional lives. by Michelle Porchia "l can't take time for myself until after I get everything else done." This is a common statement when I ask people if they take time for themselves. Many people think that it is selfish to put yourself first. It actually will help you have more energy and be more productive when you take time to rest and rejuvenate and even do things you enjoy. Nowadays everyone is so busy going and doing instead of being that everyone needs innergizing. Innergize Day is scheduled for the day after Autumn begins every year because that is when the earth goes to rest. I want you to rest. According to Wikipedia, a "siesta" is a short nap taken in the early afternoon, often after the midday meal. Such a period of sleep is a common tradition in some countries, particularly those where the weather is warm. The siesta is historically common throughout the Mediterranean and Southern Europe. It is the traditional daytime sleep of Spain and, through Spanish influence, many Hispanic countries. The word siesta of the Spanish language derives originally from the Latin word hora sexta "sixth hour" (counting from dawn, hence "midday rest"). Siesta is also common in Southern Italy (there called riposo), where museums, churches and shops close during midday so that proprietors can go home for a long lunch and perhaps a snooze during the day's hottest hours. When I was in Italy, it was important to remember to get things done before 1 p.m. or after 3 p.m. because most of the shops and restaurants closed except those who chose to cater to Americans. I must admit, I totally enjoyed having that respite time. Imagine if we incorporated a respite into our lives on a daily basis? It doesn't have to be 2 hours. We can start small and schedule15-30 minutes a week to do something for ourselves and then try to expand it to15-30 minutes a day. Here are a few things you can implement immediately. Take Your Breaks. There is a tendency to skip lunch and breaks while we work—or we eat while we work. It is important to take periodic breaks to rest your body and mind. When you rest your mind, you are more productive and creative. It is also important to eat properly (this does not mean eating at your desk and working through lunch). Entrepreneurs: You Are Your Business. Investing in taking care of your mind, body and spirit is investing in the foundation of your business. If you are not able to work, your business may suffer. It is crucial to make health and happiness a priority while developing your business. If you work 24/7, you will burn out. You need to schedule time for you in the same way you do for your clients. You can't give 110% — you don't have it to give. Celebrate. There were two very popular songs out, "Let It Go" from the movie Frozen and "Happy" from the movie Despicable Me 2 (2013). Both songs talk about being yourself and enjoying life. Celebrate life. Celebrate the little things as well as the big things. You don't have to celebrate elaborately. You can do simple things like put on music and dance like no one is watching...they aren't. Corinne Bailey Rae's "Put Your Records On" (2006) talks about putting on music and letting your hair down. Treat yourself to a new book (and allow yourself time to read it), buy your favorite tea or latte and sit outside while you can and enjoy the good weather/people watch. Go to bed early, watch a movie in bed, etc. Whatever you choose to do is fine, just do something that is solely for you. INNERGIZE DAY
“I just don’t have time to do the personal things I want or need to do for myself.” Have you ever said that? Or something like that? If you have, Innergize Day is a day set aside for you. It is a time when you can devote some attention to your own personal endeavors—a “do anything you want to do for yourself” day! Innergize Day is celebrated the day after autumn begins because we need to do as the Earth does: experience a time of hibernation to prepare for renewal. It is a forced day of rest, when observers relax, reflect, and rejuvenate. My goal is to get people to start with one day per year, progress to one day per month, then one day per week, and eventually an hour per day. It is a time of “self-celebration” to be incorporated into one’s daily lifestyle. FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT MICHELLE PORCHIA: http://innerdimensionsllc.com By Michelle Porchia My 16 (almost 17) year young granddaughter, Davonna, visited me for two weeks this month. I haven’t seen her since I moved to North Carolina in September 2013. When I lived in Connecticut, she spent at least one weekend a month with me, sometimes more. It was great to spend some time with her. She is in high school, in a culinary program. She plans on attending culinary school when she graduates. So while here I took her to some of my favorite eating places. The food was a variety of cultures and presentations. Of course, we couldn’t leave out the ice cream shop of Mapleview Farms. She has now deemed it the best ice cream in the world. I also took her to my favorite frozen yogurt place. We drove cars at an amusement park and challenged each other in arcade games. I call Davonna the "Fashionista" as she loves fashion. Until a few years ago, she was equally interested in becoming a fashion designer as she was interested in clothes and design. I have encouraged all my grandchildren to do what they love, and I have supported them from day one. All my grandchildren love to read, and I am so glad. Some more than others, but all of them love books, even down to the 18 month old. Many of them are creative through art or music. I am glad that they all have a love for the arts and for education. All my grandchildren do well, if not exceptional, in school. Davonna is an honor student and we had to make time for math homework while she was here as she had to do 3-5 hours of math. Although she is interested in culinary arts school, one of my mentees took her around The University of North Carolina (UNC). She totally enjoyed seeing the school and spending time with a 21-year-old college graduate who has been commissioned in the Air Force. Besides being a proud grandmother, I’m sharing this with you because our youth are our future. We need to encourage them, support them and spend time with them. We can also learn from them. We had a great time. Although I was glad to get my space and quiet back and she was glad to leave the southern sizzling 90+ heat, we both were sad for her to return home. Enjoy the rest of your summer and, if possible, spend some time with a young person. By Michelle Porchia We are taught to talk. We are not taught to listen. When we think we are listening, we are really thinking about how we are going to respond. What has always been a puzzle for me is what is a person responding to if they are not listening to what the other person is saying? Usually they either think they know what the person is going to say or they think they’ve heard “enough” to reply. This can be the start of misunderstanding, miscommunication, and possibly the start of conflict. How many times have you said to someone “that’s not what I said.” Often it is what the person “heard” or thought they heard.
There are a few popular talk show hosts that either interrupt their guests while they are speaking, answer the question they have just asked them or lead them on. (“Don’t you agree that…” What if the guest doesn’t agree?) Don’t get me wrong, I have much respect for all the hosts. However, it is very irritating when the host asks an expert a question and then proceeds to answer it himself. One popular talk show I found increasingly difficult to watch because the hosts all talked at the same time and you couldn’t really hear the discussion and/or the answers. When some of the hosts were replaced, the new hosts had a little more respect for each other and would let the others finish their statements. They actually started taking turns. The point: Listen to the other person. If you ask them a question, allow them to answer the question. One person speaks at a time. Five Steps to Becoming a Better Listener:
Moving forward, let’s be mindful of our listening. Let’s listen to hear and to understand. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” ~Stephen Covey By Michelle Porchia When I was growing up, I was taught that image is extremely important. How people see you starts how they treat you. I learned from a well-known speaker that a person is judged by the first glimpse that someone has of you and then the first 12 words out of your mouth. If that is the case, what image are we portraying and what image do we want others to judge us by?
The Met Gala* was the talk on all the news programs in early May 2015. What was interesting is that they didn’t really talk about the purpose or importance of the Gala; what they talked about was the seemingly new theme of who could show the most skin. Granted, the Gala is known for its outrageous costumes. It is, however, a fundraiser and I think a little decorum is needed. The theme was “China: Through the Looking Glass.” Interestingly, some of the costumes were Japanese and Korean themed, not even Chinese. Perhaps some people needed a lesson in the differences of Asian culture. Furthermore, I read several articles written by Chinese writers who thought the Gala showed racism and disrespect. One celebrity carried a purse in the shape of a china doll. “The blunt bangs, the round face, the rosy cheeks and monolids are so pronounced that the poor doll can't even open its eyes, apparently. Because a Chinese girl can't have big round eyes, huh? It's like the haute couture version of a politically incorrect Barbie doll.” The writer also pointed out, “the sexed up version of a qipao is that it perpetuates the stereotype that Chinese women are "exotic, subservient sluts.” (Fashionista - Fawnia Soo Hoo) During the red carpet at the Oscars, the focus is all about “who are you wearing,” not that the actors, writers, directors, etc., are there to hopefully win an award for their hard work. There is a little more elegance at the Oscars but for a while, it was becoming a competition for showing skin as well. Women in videos are called not-so-nice names because they are scantily clad and gyrate. Yet young girls watch these videos and unfortunately model the image they see because they think it gets them attention. It does, but is it the attention they want and deserve? TV shows and movies have shown business women in suits with no blouses, skirts so short they never sit or are seated behind a desk and six inch heels. Why are we surprised that people actually dress like this when they come to work? Bringing back the importance of image to the grass roots level, we need to reassess how we want women to be viewed. What image do we want our young girls to aspire to and project? I was working with a group of college girls and a few of them didn’t understand why they were getting feedback that they were inappropriately dressed for the office. Their supervisors felt that they were dressing for the club rather than for the corporate arena. One young lady said she needed to find a job in an environment that she felt she fit in. She was one of the young women that received feedback about inappropriate dress. Corporate America has also swung the other direction; many have very casual environments now. When I started in the working world, I was told two things about dressing for Corporate America: 1) Dress for the position you aspire to attain; and 2) You don’t want people to focus on what you have on but what you bring to the table. I’m not saying that we should dress in sack cloths. I am saying we can be classy, elegant, and even sexy without being almost naked. I think we need to reassess what message we are sending as women and what do we want to be remembered for…our skin showing through the little bit of material we wear or the value we bring to the workplace and to the world? ================= *What Is The Met Gala?? The Met Gala, formally called the Costume Institute Gala and also known as the Met Ball, is an annual fundraising gala for the benefit of the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute in New York City. It marks the grand opening of the Costume Institute's annual fashion exhibit. Each year's event celebrates the theme of that year's Costume Institute exhibition, and the exhibition sets the tone for the formal dress of the night since guests are expected to choose their fashion to match the theme of the exhibit. Each year the event also has honorary celebrity event day chairpersons. This year's theme was China. The most recent event was held on May 4, 2015 Source: Wikipedia by Michelle Porchia
Many years ago there was an article talking about the difficulty of getting service when you are doing retail shopping, that it was hard to find someone to help you and when you did find someone to help, they acted like they didn’t want to help you or it was annoyance to help you. I’m going to suggest that you look at the responsibility of customer service from the customer side. Many customers shop, change their mind and then just stick the initial items they selected anywhere. The next customer comes along looking for that same misplaced item. The store associate looks up the item and, yes, it is supposed to be in the store but it is not where it belongs. Now the dilemma: how do you find a misplaced item in an entire store? Now, the current customer is irritated because they want the item the store is supposed to have but can’t find. The associate looks back, the store looks bad, and the customer is very unhappy. Another scenario is a previous customer puts a regular price item in a clearance section. The next customer comes along and wants the regular price item at the clearance price because it is in the clearance section. You may be customer number one; you may be customer number two and you may be neither. If you ARE customer number one, if you don’t want an item and don’t want to put it back yourself, give it to a store associate or leave it with the cashier. If you are customer number two, please understand things don’t get put back in the right place and it is not the associate’s fault. Points to consider: * If an associate asks if they can help you and you don’t want their help, nicely say, “No, thank you.” * Just because it’s on the website doesn’t mean it’s in the store. * Just because the internet says it’s in the store doesn’t mean it is. (It takes time to update store sales with the internet inventory.) * Lines are a part of life. When all cashiers available are at the registers, exercise a little patience. They’ll get you out as soon as they can. (Choose a non-busy time to shop. Lunchtime and right after work are going to be busy.) * Be prepared. While waiting in line, get your coupons out, get your credit card ready, etc. Don’t wait until it’s time to pay to start fumbling through your purse or pockets. Customer service is a two-way street. Employees in the service industry are there to assist you. At the same time, it is difficult for them to assist you if you make it difficult. If you're a good consumer, most of the time you’ll get good customer service and the item(s) you want. by Michelle Porchia I would like to believe that all of us are passionate about something. As entrepreneurs, we are passionate about our business. As employees, I would hope we are passionate about our work and whatever other passion we may have. As people, I hope we are passionate about life and making a difference in some way. There are times, however, when our passionate fire may be burning us out. The heat may make it difficult for us to see clearly, to be creative or to be productive. Sometimes we don’t believe we have our passion or feel it is waning. There are times we may need to step back, take a break and reevaluate where we are and where we want to go. We need to be still and listen for the inner voice to guide us. There may be times when our passion takes on a different persona or looks a little different than it did at first. Sometimes our passion may grow, change shapes or shift entirely. We need to be open to possibilities and follow what may be a new path. My focus has shifted from predominately staff development to coaching. It does not mean I’ve lost my passion for facilitating workshops and working with staff on their development. It means I use my passion differently and my focus has shifted. A friend of mine is an amazing creative person. She designs/sews, gardens, sculpts, paints, draws, cooks and decorates. She plans amazing trips to Europe and could be a historian. She became a nurse. She also teaches nurses. Over the years, she has done all, some or none of her creative talents. She is an amazing nurse and we could use more nurses like her. My point: this is an amazingly talented woman. At various times in her life she has used her talents, or not. The passion has never died. It comes forth when she is ready to let it in whatever form comes forth. I want to believe our passions don’t die. Sometimes we need to step back and reevaluate where we are and where we are going. Sometimes we just need a break. Be still! |
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